Looking for correction
Are you intentionally looking for people who will speak challenging truth into your life?
This is one of the most effective ways to grow: Cultivate real relationships with people you trust who will tell it to you the way it is. We need those who will say, “you really blew that and here is why”, or, “that was pretty good, but it wasn’t great…and this is how it could have been great”.
In the debrief meetings our church has after events and services, we always ask people to weigh in on what went well (the good), what could have gone better (the bad), and what was a potential train wreck (the ugly). I’ve discovered that most ministry folks are good at talking about the good, and can even muster up the courage to acknowledge the truly ugly, but they seem to be pretty timid about bringing up the bad and have an even harder time communicating why the good could have been great.
Why is that? I think a big reason is our bent towards encouragement in the church. We want to build others up, not tear them down—and that’s good! But our understanding of the word encouragement is flawed. Encouragement literally means to put courage into someone, and encouragement is only needed when there is a reason to be courageous.
It takes courage to recognize your weaknesses. It takes courage to see where things fell apart. And it takes courage to admit that you missed the mark. Then it takes courage to stand back up and try again!
Who is going to help you find that courage? Who is there to say, “this is not going well for you, but I believe in you, and think that by digging deep and making a few adjustments, this thing can turn around”?
If you don’t have a friend who will tell you the truth in love, start looking for one. He or she will make you a better, more effective person. And when you find that person, really listen, without defending yourself, and figure out where change is necessary. Then thank them for the honesty.
If you are a leader, one of your primary responsibilities is to be that person in other people’s lives. It may not feel good to correct or challenge people, but the alternative is to let them stagnate and never become all they are called and gifted to be.
Remember: Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)